You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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