Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize