When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
