just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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