Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
