there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
