Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
