just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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