I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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