my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
How's work?
Spinning.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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