I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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