I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
only you would photoshop your dick
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
