Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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