She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
