HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
