And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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