Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she peed on how many people?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
