none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
