i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
