Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
that may or may not have been my penis.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
