i think my mom watched the whole time
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
