I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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