YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
