Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
