Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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