Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize