I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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