im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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