I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
