I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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