Farmville is her only friend.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
