come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
