Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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