fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
