you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
