i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
