his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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