She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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