No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
