we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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