Non-Jews are for practice
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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