their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
