I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
