it was like his penis was on wheels.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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