it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
