I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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