thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
