Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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