did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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