Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
