I just saw a hot homeless man
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize