i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
