ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
