he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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