yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
