What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
