wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's always time for handjobs
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
