i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
