I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
