I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
