Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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