Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
