So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
