I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
