hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My vagina just clenched in fear
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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