I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
