you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
