Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
