Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
