i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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