you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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