Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
