So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
