I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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