....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
