he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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