I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize