ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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