Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
