Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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