you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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