i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
