i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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