If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
