Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
