I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
