My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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