i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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