But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
