We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
