and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
