The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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