you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
that is very illegal...i love you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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