So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
