Umm I'm too high to move.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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