Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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