Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
