I wanna passion pit in your ass
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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