I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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