Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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