friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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