how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
These tits shall not be calmed
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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