last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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